PRECIOUS MEMORIES

"Is this a dream or a reality, my life is proof that miracles are real and dreams do come true."

                                                      -Jessie I Snyder-

These are some of the most precious memories that have shaped my life:

         My first precious memory transpired when I was nine-years-old. It was September 2, 1982; one of our neighbors, Trish came to my mother and asked her if she would keep her sister's little boy for a few days. My mother said yes and Trish brought her sister Kathy over with her son Bobby. Kathy left Bobby with my mother and then just simply left. A week passed by, then another, then a month, then two, then three, and four, finally after Kathy had not returned for nine months, my mother asked Trish to find out where Kathy was and when or if she was she planning to come get her son.

  Trish called her mother's house, then her brother's house, her other sister’s house and several other places, but Kathy was nowhere to be found. That is when my mother decided to file a petition for custody of Bobby. She felt that rather than Bobby being placed in foster care with total strangers, she would raise him, after all he had already been with us for the last nine months.

Another week passed then my mother went before the judge to have the case heard. Kathy had found out that my mother was trying to obtain custody of him so she showed up at court and fought against it. Ultimately, the judge denied my mother's petition for custody and placed Bobby back with his biological mother. The judge said that the child deserved to be with his biological mother. We were devastated, we didn't feel like Kathy deserved to have Bobby, because in the nine months that Bobby was staying with us--not one time did Kathy come see Bobby, she never even called to see how he was doing or if he needed anything.

We left the courthouse heartbroken, I didn’t understand why God would bless us with this precious baby boy just to rip him away from us. It especially hurt my mother, because 11 ½ years before she had given birth to me, she had given birth to three girls but had to place them for adoption due to financial circumstances. Then a year after I was born my mother gave birth to her first and only baby boy, but unfortunately he was stillborn (born dead). So, when Kathy brought Bobby to my mother to keep, then never came back for him, my mother thought that God was giving her the son she never had. As time passed things sort of got back to normal, the way they were before Bobby came to stay with us. Although we still missed him terribly, we both knew that life must go on.

Then one day about a month later. Trish came to get my mother to go with her to the hospital to get Bobby. Kathy had left Bobby with his grandmother who was almost blind and had severe medical problems. Bobby’s grandmother couldn’t care for him so she called the Department of Children Services, (DCS) to come get Bobby and have him placed in a foster care home. The DCS worker was familiar with the case and immediately called Trish and asked her to come to the hospital and take Bobby home with her and keep him until he could be placed in a foster care home.

That’s when Trish came and asked my mother to go with her to the hospital. Trish would have kept Bobby herself, but she already had five children of her own ranging from the ages of one year to ten years, so she had her hands full. When Trish and my mother arrived at the hospital, they found Bobby in very poor condition. He was very malnourished and looked liked he had knuckle bruises across his face.

My mother was delighted that Trish came to get her; it looked like we were going to be a family after all. The next day my mother went to court and the judge immediately granted my mother custody of Bobby.

That day, June of 1983, my mother obtained custody of my foster brother, Bobby DeShae Elliott; he was around ten months old. I had grown up as an only child, so it was fun to have a baby in the house, although at times, I was jealous because he getting all the attention. However, when my mother went back to work, I took care of Bobby. Whenever, he was sick I stayed out of school to care for him. As the years passed, my mother's health began to fail. By the time I was 18, Bobby had declared me as his mother.

Soon after my 18th birthday, my mother became terminally ill and could no longer take care of Bobby. So, I went to court and filed for custody and in 1992 I was awarded custody of Bobby who was 10 years old at the time. From then on I took care of Bobby as his mother, rather than his sister. He was very special to me, and even though I didn’t give birth to him, he was my son and I was his mother.

He has grown up to be a handsome and charming young man. He is very respectful and intelligent. Even though he has moved out on his own, he still claims me as his mother. Bobby is now 30 years old and is attending Nashville Auto Diesel College where he is pursuing a career as an auto mechanic.  He works at Wal-Mart as a stock person and has his own apartment. Presently, he doesn't have a girlfriend-he says they are a distraction-he wants to focus primarily on getting his degree. I am very proud of him and I am glad that God brought him into my life.
                  

 This is Bobby DeShae Elliott, in 2010, age 28

 My second precious memory took place when I was 14. On November 23, 1987 I gave birth to my one and only daughter, Deondra Mae Snyder, she weighed 6 lbs. 12 oz. I went through 56 hours of labor before she finally decided to make her appearance in this world. However, finally at 4:33pm she was born. She had black curly hair, and the most beautiful hazel eyes. After the doctors checked her out, they laid her on my chest. I was amazed at this little miracle that I was holding in my arms. 

Unfortunately, her father had been killed by a drunk driver, while on his way home from a job in Kentucky. I was around seven months along when this tragedy occurred. While I was pregnant, I too, was in an accident, which left me with a broken neck. I had to have an emergency surgery to repair my neck, during the surgery I lost too much blood and had to receive a blood transfusion. Two weeks later, I was at church it was around 12noon, the pastor was doing the altar call, when this incredible force came over me and pulled me up to the altar. I didn't understand at the time what was going on, I had already been saved and baptized; however, when I returned home my question of why was answered. After the accident my mother had to stop working and therefore the rent wasn't being paid. So, the landlord had come by and told us we had to move. No money, no family where were we going to go? Then, one of our neighbors said we could stay in their garage, at least we were not on the streets. I knew for first time that miracles do happen, the incredible  force that had pulled me to the alter, was the hand of God. He wanted to anoint me with the spirit of strength, courage, and protection.

When I gave birth to my daughter, she was very weak and at 2 days old she received a blood transfusion. About a month later the hospital wanted to test my daughter for the HIV virus. I was reluctant but finally agreed. Two weeks later the results were in, my baby girl had contracted the HIV virus from the blood transfusion that was given to save her life. Now the very thing that was suppose to save her would be the same thing that eventually took her life. Yet, that didn't break my spirits either, I continued to keep a positive attitude and strong faith in God. I knew that as long as I trusted God, that he would protect me and provide me with the strength, courage, and will to live. I was determined to survive and prove the doctor's wrong. In 1993, I began speaking publicly about HIV and AIDS, I would speak at high schools and colleges throughout Nashville and the surrounding areas. On some occasions my daughter would come with me and tell her story as well. I had found my calling in life, it is to educate others through my public speaking engagements and through my writing. 

In late 1999, my daughter's health began to fail, she had become resistant to all available AIDS medications. In her last days she was being fed through a feeding tube in her stomach; she was receiving platelet infusions every other day. She had lost control of all her bodily functions and was wearing pampers again like she was a newborn baby. My daughter was intelligent way beyond her years, and she fully understood that she was dying. My daughter and I discussed the possibility that she may have to be put on life support to keep her alive. Due to the fact that she wasn't really living, instead she was just existing, not to mention she was in a tremendous amount of pain,  the doctor decided to offer the option of signing a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order. My daughter and I discussed what a DNR was and what it meant and she decided she wanted me to sign the DNR order. This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, but I respected my daughter's wishes. 

My daughter's personally was so positive and full of love that you could place her in a room of  angry people and before she left everyone of them would be laughing and getting along. The Sunday before she passed, she was in the hospital. A close friend, a little boy, named Michael that had cystic fibrous was in the room across the hall from her. He was having a really hard time with his disease, being the angel that she was, my daughter wanted to do something special to cheer her little friend up. So she took all her strength and sat up in bed and colored a picture for that little boy. then she had me and a nurse carry her across the hall to her friend's room so she could give him the picture. As the little boy took that picture both their faces lit up like a light, for that moment they both forgot that they were fighting for their lives. So when I say that my daughter was truly an Angel, you have to ask yourself, what other 12 year old would put another child's happiness before her own.  

The following Wednesday, January 26, 2000, at around 8:00am my daughter lost her battle with AIDS. We had her funeral at Phillips Robinson Funeral Home in the chapel. It was cold and rainy the day we buried my daughter. Yet the chapel at the funeral home was crowded beyond capacity, in fact, it was standing room only. I couldn't believe that my daughter had touched so many lives, it made me proud to be her mother. The song we played at her funeral was "Thanks for my Child" by Cheryl 'Pepsi' Riley, that was her favorite song, at the end of the song Cheryl says, "I love you sweetheart." and the little boy says, "I love you too, Mommy." When that little boy said those words it sounded just like my daughter's voice, and everyone in that funeral home broke down and cried. I believe that was her spirit telling us goodbye and that she loved us. 

You can view the video of that song by clicking on this link: "Thanks for my Child" Cheryl 'Pepsi' Riley

    

This is my daughter Deondra Mae Snyder taken in 1994, when 

 she was 7 years old. She is holding her dog "Poopsie" and her 

 cat "Killer." 

     

Also, This is one of the poems I wrote, which I recited at her funeral:

"MY PRECIOUS CHILD"

My precious child that I had so young

I love you now and forever to come

You mean more to me than life itself

                           

I know we can make it with God’s help

                          

Life hasn’t been easy for you and me;

                         

But somehow, someway we seem to get by,

                        
We’ve been through a lot and come a long way

                       

I am so happy we’ve made it where we are today

                        

Although I know we have a long way to go

                       

I know we will be together as I watch you grow

                       

Grow older, smarter, and even more beautiful

                       

Just like an Angel sent from heaven above

                        

You are truly a gift of God’s Precious Love…

                                                                                     

                                     © 6/29/1997 Jessie I Snyder

 "I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me."
- Philippians 4:13-